Jeremy's Journey

The General Direction

2010-01-02T19:38:00.000-06:00

Hello:

I have a problem. Not a drug problem, not an alcohol problem, not a relationship problem, not even a problem of the usual sort, whatever the usual sort may be.

I just really don't know what to write in my blog. I've been writing more often, which, in itself is amazing, I just don't feel like I have a good direction, or focus, or theme.

Do I want people to read my blog? Well, yes.

Do I want people to respond in the comments? That would be nice.

I just don't know what direction to take. Many blogs that get "traffic" seem to have a focus. Whether it's the author's kids, a certain topic of spirituality, work, marriage, animals, video games, movies, etc. And mine is well, my own. I've tried to make the focus on church, and then it somewhat expanded to theological thoughts, and then general thoughts, and maybe even back again. I just have a wide range of thoughts, likes, and dislikes, and I want to share that with people. I like to share what I'm thinking. However, I don't have a focus to my thoughts. So, I guess you could put this blog in the "general" category, but that sounds so "blah."

If you are reading this however, I have tried to at least label my posts so that perhaps when you look at the labels category on the main page of this blog, you can maybe find something interesting to read. I suppose that's just it. I want this blog to be interesting. Something worth reading, something that can somehow be of benefit to you or of value to you for taking the 5 minutes to read a post.

There you go.

-Fin

The world is a carnival

2009-12-23T09:19:00.000-06:00

So I was out Christmas shopping for my wife last Friday evening after work. Of course, this was only one week before Christmas. Beside the insanity that Black Friday is (has it really come to the point where I need to capitalize a day set aside for shopping?!), it seems that as we move closer and closer to Christmas, people's appetite for material things becomes more and more insatiable.

I made the mistake of going to the mall to do my Christmas shopping. I know I may have gotten some things cheaper online, but shipping windows were closing, and I still like to have things in my own hands as I walk out of a store. I guess I'm old-fashioned in that way. I don't mind buying things for myself online, but I rarely buy things for other people online. Anyway, back to the mall.

It's not that any person or any small group of people were out of the ordinary any more than any other day of the year, but still, there were a ton of people at the mall; especially teenagers. And this mall (I don't even know what it's called) is big, and it's new, and there were way too many people there. It really reminded me of being at a carnival. The mall is like a modern-day fair that is open all the time.

Seriously, I walk in and there are little trinket shops lining the corridors, popcorn vendors, coffee shops, mall directories, rent-a-cops, and more. As I continue to walk, in the middle of the halls are the seasonal vendors who rent space to sell their junk; electronic cigarettes, cheap jewelry, radio controlled cars, fattening sausage and cheese, fake tattoos, and just about anything else you can think of. Seriously, it reminds me of all the booths at a fair and the carnies trying to convince you to come over and ~~get ripped off~~ receive a prize. These folks are so bored that they'll do and say just about anything to get your attention for two minutes; just like at the fair.

Oh, but it gets better. I keep walking, and in the middle of this mall, no joke, there is a giant, two-story carousel. Now, don't get me wrong, I like carousels (as long as they go slow enough), but this one was in a mall! So, not only does the mall have carnie-like people trying to sell their wares, they also have rides too. Oh, and let's not forget the delicious ~~fair food~~ food court where one can indulge in anything imaginable. Need to entertain your kids? No problem, take them to the kiddie area of the mall. Better yet, take them to see Santa Claus, and to top it all off, if you walk far enough, you can be treated to a middle school choir concert.

If you'd like to see the best of carnivals, just go to a mall around Christmas time. I don't ever want to do it again if at all possible, but it was quite an experience. Of course, if you look, there is a carnival going on all the time in the world. People are crazy. They really are. Now, I'm convinced that the media mostly portrays bad news, so I don't think that the world is going to hell in a handbasket quite yet; there's still a lot of good in the world and people do good things everyday and there are tons of normal people just living normal lives, but still, people do crazy things, and the world is a carnival. Sometimes, I enjoy the show, but I don't want to be a part of it. I think there's a better way of living.

-Fin

Working at UPS - United Parcel Service

2009-12-14T11:47:00.004-06:00

I've been wanting to write about my experience at UPS for a while now. I just haven't gotten around to it. Why? Because I'm dog tired exhausted that's why.

Seriously, UPS is the hardest physical job I've ever done. It's probably not as hard as many other jobs, or even as hard as some people in third world countries work, but for me, and many others I work with, UPS is very hard work.

I work as a sorter at UPS. Basically, it's a job where I have packages of all sizes, and up to 70 pounds, coming at me at a rate of 1200 or more packages an hour. As such, I'm supposed to sort these packages at at least 1200 an hour. The average weight of a package is probably somewhere around 25 lbs. Now that probably doesn't seem like much, but when you're there for 4 or more hours a day, and you're on your 4800th package, even the light packages can start to seem like they're heavier than what they ought to be.

So the people in the unload, unload semi trailers - some long, some short - as fast as they possibly can (Because at UPS, it's all about speed and money, not about the person or their safety as much as they'd like to claim it is. One observation I made, was that what you learned in the "classroom" didn't seem to apply all that much out on the floor, especially during peak season. Also, the supervisors seem inconsistent in what rules and regulations they apply.). These packages get placed on an "extendo," which is just an extendable conveyor belt that goes the length of the trailer (most of the time), and then they travel to us sorters where we are waiting at a belt that is perpendicular to the extendo belt. So as a sorter, things look like an upside down T. These packages then hit a diverter so that they come to you and not to the next guy down the line, you pick up the packages, and place them on one of 6 belts with a total of 12 colors on them (meaning if you don't get a certain package all the way up against the side of belt on the "side pan" it's not going to go to the right place. If this happens, it's a mis-sort and it'll most likely come back to your sort aisle making more work for everybody. It's not a big deal though, it happens so often because everything is so fast paced that if you have a mis-sort or 9, you just deal with it later). These belts are perpendicular to you, so you always have to pivot to put the packages on the belts. 3 belts are about waist level with you and flat, and 3 belts are above those. I'm about 5'7" tall, and the three upper belts (called transverses) are at about eye level with me. Those upper belts have a steep incline too. If the belt is worn down, packages will slide off. If you place a package on the belt a little bit the wrong way, it may roll, and roll fast, and roll hard. People could get seriously injured by a "roller." Just last week I got conked in the head with about a 10 lb. box from the upper belt. It made me dizzy and gave me a headache for the rest of the day.

This picture, found on a google image search (belongs to Matt Crowell) is similar to what the aisle that I work on looks like. We don't have a big yellow bar on the left though, ours is all open and the belts that do run are higher up, and on the right, where the whitish-grayish bar is, that is about where our "upper transverses (belts)" are. Someone must have snuck in a cell-phone to take this picture, because except for supervisors, hourly employees (for the most part) aren't allowed cell phones in the building.

So anyway, there's the description of the the work area, so why is it so bad to work there? Mostly, because it is so fast paced, the labor can often be described as "brutal," and it takes a toll on your body. There are other reasons as well, but I'll just mention some. The sorters often have to handle the boxes two or three times, unlike the unloaders or the loaders. Often times, our belts will shut off and we have to "stack down" our boxes, all the while trying to keep pace with the unloaders who quite often go way faster than the 1200 per hour. At UPS, getting those trucks unloaded is the most important thing it seems. Once the packages are in the building, we can deal with them how we need to, but they need to get off the truck first. So the supervisors are constantly pushing the unloaders to unload as fast as they can (often without regard to the safe work methods we were taught in the classroom), and they hammer the sorters if we have to stop the unloaders because we can't keep up. Most of the time we can as long as we can see the labels on the boxes and the belts are running, but no matter how fast the unloaders unload, I can only sort as fast as the belts move. So when we stack down, at some point, we have to pick those boxes back up (now from feet level instead of waist level) and put them on the belts. When this gets really bad (and it does; everyday) we just say that we're building our igloo (because quite literally, you place boxes all around you to the point that you box yourself in until the flow starts going again).

Sometimes, we get "straight shots." These are the same type of packages in a large quantity. Boxes of paper are the worst. Usually, they're 35-40 lbs, they go the upper belts, and there are just enough of them right in a row to make your arms and shoulders feel like they're going to fall off. The repetitive nature of straight shots, really no matter how much they weigh, is rough on your body.

This brings me to another reason working at UPS stinks. The wear and tear on your body. I have never worked a job where I am this sore ALL the time. With the up, down, pivot, lift, etc., the amount of calories you burn, the repetitive nature of the job, I am always sore. My neck hurts, my shoulders hurt, my biceps hurt, my forearms and wrists hurts, my thighs ache, my hamstrings hurt, I got blisters on my toes (only in my first two weeks though), the joints of my fingers hurt (from grabbing boxes all day), I get headaches more often (from working like a dog and only getting a 10 minute break to try to cram down as much food as you can), my back is sore, and I'm simply exhausted after I'm done there. Some of my co-workers say the same thing, so I'm just not whining because I'm a wimp. There are people who have been working there for years and they still say that they're sore.

Have I gotten used to the work? Yes. I am definitely stronger and have more muscular endurance than when I first started, but the work is still the same everyday, which means that it kicks your butt! I've been working there for 3 months now, Monday-Friday, and I'm still sore and in pain every day, including the weekends that I'm not working. UPS is a fast-paced, physical, hard work environment. It's hot in the summer, freezing in the winter, loud, dirty, and not fun. It's a paycheck. Literally, that is all it is. UPS will claim benefits will draw people in, but at least under our current union contract, those don't start until you've been there for 1 year. You don't get any paid vacation time until after 1 year. Basically, you have to be at UPS for at least a year before you can even begin to say that it's a "good" job. Problem is, most people don't stay that long. Why? Because the work is brutal, and some of the supervisors are too. Look, bottom line is, UPS cares about their reputation and their money, not you. You are a working, expendable grunt to them. They are hiring nearly every week because the turnover rate is so high. Of course, UPS doesn't mind. They don't have to pay benefits to people who don't stay.

I came to UPS for the paycheck. I needed to make at least $100 a week to be able to pay for my seminary class. I found out they have tuition assistance and that draws in a lot of students. However, don't plan on getting it right away. Unless you go to a UPS partner school where they pay the money up front, you have to get reimbursed at the end of the semester and have all the associated paperwork. But, this process can take 2-6 weeks, and you have to be an employee there to get reimbursed. So, unless you plan on staying at UPS more than semester, don't expect to get reimbursed. I'm not getting reimbursed most likely. Why is that Jeremy? Well, because I have found another, better job. I don't start this job until January, but if the reimbursement process takes that long, then I won't get the money anyway. Now granted, I didn't start working at UPS because tuition assistance was foremost in my mind; the paycheck was, but potentially getting back $1100 would be nice for sure. I thought I'd be at UPS longer than what I am going to be when I started, but after about 3 weeks, I started looking for other jobs. I didn't look seriously, but one job came up that I just had to apply for. I ended up getting it. Overall, it will be a much better job for me than UPS ever was, but I just think it's sad that I won't be getting my tuition reimbursement when that is one thing that draws students to UPS. I think that UPS knows this however. They know that many students will only stay for one semester. They draw them in with a tuition assistance program, and then, at the end of fall, they don't process the paper work until the middle of January, and by that time, the student has left UPS for whatever reason, and oh, UPS doesn't have to pay the tuition reimbursement because student is not a current employee anymore.

Seriously, on the outside, UPS may seem like a good company to work for, but having only been there 3 months, I've seen and heard how UPS cuts corners and deceives (especially its union employees). They will protect their reputation and their dollar first and foremost, at almost any cost to their employees. However, I suppose if you're able to stay on for at least a year, get some seniority under your belt, and are able to get the benefits, it may not be that bad of a job, but it will still be brutally hard work. The pay may be decent, but I just don't think that it compensates for the wear and tear on your body.

So, I am not staying at UPS, and I am SO happy about it. In my new job, the physical work won't be as brutal, there are some different benefits that are more applicable to me (and I don't have to wait a year to get them), my boss(es) actually care about me as a person, the environment is much better to work in (both people wise and building wise), and the hours better fit my schedule.

Is UPS really so horrible? Well, yes, it is. I could list some good things to say about UPS, as there are a few, but compared to other jobs that are out there, and especially compared to what dedicating 4 years of your life to a college degree can get you, there are much better life options out there than UPS. UPS, like any other major company, has a great propaganda machine of how great it is to work for them, but the reality is, it is not great and unless you'd be one of the very fortunate few to be lucky enough to have a decent position within the company, UPS is not a great company to work for.

Oh, and one other note too. Whether you're shipping UPS or some other company, please, please, please pack your items very well. Packages get kicked, thrown, stomped on, and somewhat abused at UPS (though I'd say 90% are just fine), and when UPS employees are working like dogs, it's like one of my co-workers said, "People have to pack their stuff good because I work too hard with not enough pay to care. Caring is above my pay grade." Yep, that about sums it up. Another UPS employee put it this way, "UPS employees put 8 hours worth of work into a 4 hour day." Couldn't have said it any better myself.

-Fin

Do you have a "statement of faith?"

2009-09-01T10:28:00.003-05:00

So I was thinking this morning a bit about what I believe regarding the Christian faith. I've thought about it before. The conclusion I came to is that I'm not completely solid on what I believe. And you know what, I think that's okay. I'm 29 years old, I've been what I consider to be a Christian for a little over 8 years now. I've been raised in the church, and yet, I'm still figuring out what I believe, what I know to be true, and what I want to believe, and perhaps want to be true. And I think it's good not to have such a solid, rigid faith. I like fluidity in faith. Fluidity gives you room to grow, to stretch, to go forward and fall back. It's been said that a faith that doesn't allow a person to question or to doubt isn't really a faith at all.

My post this morning leads me again to thinking about church. This time, local churches in particular whether they be part of a denomination or not. I think that nearly every church a person would go to, or look up on the Internet, that person would undoubtedly find a "statement of faith" or a statement on "what we believe." Many times, Christians and those looking into the Christian faith will allow a church to believe for them. They will allow the church to define their faith. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not against having a statement of faith or beliefs, in fact, I think it's good for local churches to have such statements to clarify what that church is all about. Yet, I get a little concerned when Christians just "fall under" their church's beliefs without thinking for themselves what it is that that church is asking them to believe. And that's just it, many churches don't ask you to believe their faith statements, they demand (in so many words or actions) that you believe them. It's okay for churches to have statements of faith and beliefs, but a church should be a faith guide for those who come; to assist people on their journey of faith, rather than militarily commanding people.

So this leads me to this question. Have you ever really thought about what you believe about God and Christianity? Do you have your own statement of faith? Think about it. Seriously think about it. And it's okay to change what you think, how you feel. It's okay.

I have to admit, I don't think I've ever been in a church where I completely agreed with their statement of faith or their particular beliefs. And that's okay.

I will say this though, although my faith may be less than solid, as in it's fluid, dynamic, able to change, it's still on Jesus Christ the solid rock I stand. In any statement of Christian faith, Jesus has to be there, or else, well, it's not Christian anymore; hence the name Jesus Christ.

-Fin

Gotta be "relevant." Yes!

2009-08-03T15:03:00.003-05:00

So I was looking at job descriptions for paid ministry positions. They're hilarious really. I mean, who is on hiring committees of churches anyway? Don't get me wrong, some committees doe an excellent job, have good job descriptions, and really research the position. Mostly I look at youth ministry positions, not because I want one necessarily, but because I was in one. It's not that the descriptions of the positions are so bad, it's just that they're totally unrealistic. If the people of the church honestly wanted the person they are hiring to perform and do everything that is listed in advertisement for the position, they'd have a burnt out pastor in about a month. Anyhow, that's not really what I want to talk about. Also in the ads is the word "relevant." Oh, good Lord I see this word over, and over, and over again. It kind of makes me nauseous now.

What does it really mean to be "relevant?" It's impossible to be "relevant" to everybody. I think that this word, along with many other words, have just become new buzzwords in the church. And churches who use the word now are probably just beginning to lag behind what is really relevant anyway. Does using a guitar and drums and candles and incense and dressing in jeans and flip flops make us "relevant?" Gosh. I don't have the answers, but I feel that to be "relevant" today, we need to not be "relevant" to the church. I feel like the church changes a few things, and Bam! "We're relevant now." I mean, what is up with this word "relevant?"

In job descriptions you see "we want a pastor who preaches relevant messages," "we want a youth pastor who is relevant," "we want a worship leader who plays relevant music." What the heck?! In trying to be "relevant," churches most likely are just becoming not relevant. It's widely known that evangelical churches are usually always about 10 years behind culture. It used to be about 20, but hey, the church has been making strides for the past 500 years. In trying to be so relevant, churches are just alienating themselves more. How bout just being. Being church. Being people. Taking the good with the bad, the ugly with the pretty, the suits and hoodies. Does this seem like an angry post? It's not really. Perhaps a bit frustrated, yes. I just get sick of evangelical buzzwords, and relevant is one of them. I also think that the terms emerging, emergent, ancient-future, green, contemporary, and a few others are just buzzwords too. They're all fads on the happy go lucky evangelical bandwagon. And God, I don't know what to do about it. I love Jesus, I love His people, I love His planet, and I want to desparately love His church.

-Fin.

Oh, the weather outside is...

2009-07-28T16:35:00.002-05:00

I love the winter time. I love rainy days too. I don't love rainy days every day though, but they are enjoyable.

It's raining outside today. I don't mind. I love those days where it's just a little bit darker out than usual, you have nothing to do, and so you relax.

Of course, this is easy for me say because I'm unemployed right now, but even so, the principle is still the same. For those that are employed, that day off can sure be something special, even on a rainy day. Those weekends are great times to relax. This past weekend I spent time with my wife. We relaxed. It was a nice weekend.

There's just something about the winter and rainy days that say, "Hey, take a little time today to slow down, relax, and do something you actually enjoy."

For me, when it's raining outside, and the sky is cloudy and dark, the house is just a bit cooler than usual, I like to just grab a piping hot cup of coffee and sit and read. Or sit and think. Or sit and read and think. I like that. Sometimes I play video games because video games seem so much more enjoyable when it's cold, dark, and rainy outside.

In the winter time, I was thinking today, I love to put on a hoodie, drink a piping hot cup of coffee and play games, read, think, be. I also was thinking too about hot-mulled wine. I only make it around Christmas time. I first experienced it in 2004 around Christmas time in Switzerland. What an atmosphere. People happy, huge Alps as a backdrop, open-air Christmas markets, and hot-mulled wine boiling in a huge kettle over an open fire. Mmm...

I can't wait till winter. I think I'm at my best on rainy, cool, days and in the winter. I can't wait till the weather starts turning cooler, Fall comes, leaves change, and the holiday season approaches. It makes me feel good. Alive. And it makes me happy about myself, and about the One who created it all.

What's your favorite time of year? What is your temperament in certain types of weather? When are you at your best? When do you feel most alive?

-Fin

Updating is a chore sometimes

2009-07-25T12:26:00.002-05:00

So I'm not doing very well with my intention of updating this thing weekly. It's just difficult for me. I like to write, I really do, but I usually don't write for pleasure or for some sort of "release" as in journaling. I do have a journal that I write in every so often. Usually, it's every few months and I end up writing a small novel. Journaling is good, and I wish I did it more often, I just don't ever take the time to do it.

Even with this blog, I have a bunch of good ideas (at least to me) and topics in my head, but I never take the time to write about them. Partly because I have many other things that interest me that I deem are more worthy of my time than writing on this blog; a few examples: wasting time on the internet reading news stories from google's front page news, looking at other people's blogs, finding deals on the internet for electronics and video games that I'm not going to buy anyway, reading one of the many, many books on my bookshelf that are in my "reading queue," playing with my puppy dog, playing video games that are in my "gaming queue," and any number of other little things.

Now I'm enrolled in Seminary. I'm going to be taking two classes this Fall. One is a class on the book of Revelation, and the other is a class called Theological Methods and Research. It's kind of an intro class, but I think it will still be tough just because the nature of the class is learning how to properly research things and write research papers by, you guessed it, writing research papers. That's what I want to do though. I want to write, and that's where my writing style and experience is I suppose. I like to write, but more academically, like what you'd find in an academic journal or in a textbook. I like to share knowledge and gain knowledge. I don't think I could ever write novels or stories because that's just not where my writing talents are at. I have a vivid imagination and could definitely commission someone to write a novel from my thoughts and ideas (I'd love to commission an artist sometime to draw what's in my head), but to do so myself would be an epic fail. (Do people even say 'epic fail' anymore?)

So here I am, writing in my blog. Yay for me! They say the more you write, the more people will follow your blog. I don't know about that. Your blog probably has to be good too. I have to admit, I would like to have some more readers to this blog, but I haven't a clue on how to "market" my blog, and even feel a little funny trying to "market" this blog. More than anything, I would just like some thoughts and opinions on what I write, and the thoughts that I have. I read the comments, even if I don't always reply to them. I still want the main point of this blog to be how different thoughts and ideas relate the the church, specifically the church in the United States, but I may throw in some other thoughts or news items as well.

Some ideas that I have that I'd like to write about in this blog are:

Journeying through the Bible - not exactly original I know, but I've never read through the Bible completely, and I have a great reading Bible called The Books of the Bible in TNIV translation and as I've been reading it, I've just been writing down any questions that I've had, and I hope to post some (or all perhaps on another blog) of those questions here and write down the answers that I've found, and agree with my thinking.
Thoughts and concerns with the church in America
Video game reviews - I love video games and play them often. I've played through enough of them that I could have quite a collection of reviews. I know game reviews are a dime a dozen, and so my reviews wouldn't amount to much (especially when they'd be posted well after a game's release), but hey, sometimes I would just like to share my thoughts that I haven't been able to find in other reviews.
Personal thoughts and stories - I'm on a faith journey too. Perhaps someone can relate to my life, who knows?

That's all for now. Enjoy reading.

-Fin

(By the way, that "Fin" is on the very end of some video games I have beaten. They are Japanese in origin and I'm pretty sure it means "end.")

The Church today.

2009-06-02T15:59:00.002-05:00

An update!

I'm having questions to myself about the state of the American evangelical church. I want to love the church, and in essence, I do. I feel called to lead a local congregation, to preach the Bible, and to be part of a Christian community, but I've been in the church my entire life. The church is changing, and needs to change. I don't have all that worked out yet, but as I was observing a couple of guys standing around talking, drinking a few beers, my thought to myself was, what would get those couple of guys into church and into a relationship with Christ? I don't think "church" as it is currently would be very appealing to those guys. But who knows? Different strokes for different folks I guess.

I'm not saying that church needs to be the same everywhere (that would suck), but I am saying that the church in general is going through a shift, and a transition, and church leaders need to seriously think about reinventing "church" so that more people may know and experience God.

Which is also what I've been thinking about the church. What will bring people together in church...whatever it looks like, it will be nothing less than an experience of God. The days of lone ranger pastors, professional paid staff to do most of the work, flashy programs, big budgets, so forth and so on are coming to an end. I am convinced that church needs to be filled with authentic people, coming together in authenticity, and experiencing God authentically. What the church needs right now are new, fresh God experiences.

When I was in church a couple of weeks ago at Trinity church in Kansas City (I love that church), it was one of the most authentic and beautiful worship services that I had ever been too, probably because most of it was (at least it seemed) unscripted. Church just happened. And we were all blessed by an alcoholic drug addict who said he'd pray for us as we pray for him. I guess what I'm trying to say in this last part is, why does it seem that the church in recent times has only been for Christians? Why haven't we been willing to let the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the gay and lesbians, the porn addicts, etc into our churches? Hmm....

-Fin

Pornography and Tithing?

2009-05-27T17:00:00.002-05:00

I think I'm going to try to take a new approach to this blog. I'm also hoping to get some readers to this blog as well to maybe discuss some of the stuff I write. I guess I've always posted on this blog some type of post or thought relating to Christian thought with a few details that are just from my ordinary life, and I think I want to continue in that, but perhaps direct those thoughts toward how they interact with, or are a part of the Christian church. I know that I'm not the first to do this sort of thing (there are hundreds of blogs that relate Christian thought/theology to the church), and I'm not going to be the last, but hey, maybe what goes on in my thought processeses can add a little bit to the discussion of Christianity.

I really am going to try to keep it updated more often, at least once or twice a week for now, which, compared to how often it is currently being updated, is quite good.

So I've been thinking lately about the "way" and the "why" church is done, and how different churches do different things and how different people experience God in different ways. For me, I experience God through good, Godly messages. Perhaps that isn't unusual as that is what I do; I preach. I'm sure that a musically inclined person is perhaps more apt to experience God through worship music, or that an artistic person would maybe experience God more through some form of artwork. Anyway, there are a couple of topics that I very rarely have heard preached from the pulpit on a Sunday morning: Pornography and Tithing.

In fact, I don't think I've ever heard a sermon on Pornagraphy at a church that I've attended or been a part of; there may be a special class on the subject, a support group, etc., but I've never heard a message given from the pulpit on the subject without having to go online (I mean for the sermon.) And Tithing is another beast altogether. I've heard the "health and wealth" aspect of tithing (give us money and God'll bless you; he'll make you prosper), the "rob God" sermons, the "test God" sermons, and that we can tithe with our time and talents as well as with our finances. And I need to think about tithing more and study it more before I rant and rave about it, but I've never heard a good tithing sermon, specifically on finances, that just "makes sense" to me and that should make sense to others. I believe that we should tithe, but I just haven't heard a good message on tithing that would compel people or give people good reasons to tithe. And when are pastors going to start delivering messages about Pornagraphy, specifically. It needs to happen.

-Fin

New Project

2009-03-26T21:06:00.002-05:00

Be prepared to read. A lot. And I hope you will.

So I've titled this post "New Project." Not that I ever had an old project, but I've decided that I need a new project to occupy my time, give me something productive to do, and to get a sense of accomplishment. I've been lacking in all three lately. What is this new project you ask (actually, I don't think very many people read this, if any at all, so there may be no one asking anything)? Well, I'll get to that in a minute. First, a little background on where I am.

My wife and I recently moved to the Kansas City area and we've been here since February 18. I was a youth pastor in Idaho was let go from that position on December 2. The church board graciously gave me a severance package through the end of February, and for 2 months my wife and I were praying about and deciding on what we were going to do. We both want to pursue our education and get Master's degrees; she wants to go to school near Portland, OR, and I want to go to a school that will be good for me both academically, theologically, and financially. So in essence, there are a variety of programs and places that I could choose. We both would love to be in the Northwest, especially the Portland area, and someday, I think we'll get there, but at this point in our lives, we decided that it would be better to be closer to friends and family. My wife's family lives in Iowa, and mine in Ohio.

Now I love Ohio. I like the fact that there are 3 major cities on the same highway, Cincinnati and Columbus are both good places to live and find jobs, there are lots of small towns in Ohio, but they aren't so far away from the cities that it feels like an inconvenience to be in one, my friends live in Ohio (or at least live nearby enough for a weekend trip), and I could go on some more about why I would want to live in Ohio. However, when we were trying to figure out what to do, well, Ohio's economy isn't the best, and as we were looking on the internet at job opportunities, we just kind of felt like Ohio may not be the best place to go right now. Also, we both knew that we didn't want to live in Iowa at the time either.

My wife went to college in Olathe, KS, a suburb of Kansas City. We are 12 hours away from my family there, and 6 hours away from hers. The Kansas City metro area has many job opportunities (though I still haven't found a job yet, go figure) and ministry opportunities, and it's home to some of the best BBQ in the U.S.A. She has lots of friends in the area, we're not too far away from family, and so we decided that the Kansas City area would be the best place for us right now.

We got here on February 18, and it's been especially hard for me. At first, we started looking for apartments or houses to rent so that we could find our own place because right now we're living with friends. Don't get me wrong, it's not a bad situation, but it's just a bit difficult when you're under someone else's roof. We're grateful, we just want our own place. So anyway, after two weeks of looking and finding nothing, we changed our approach. Most places want you to have proof of employment to even be considered. So, we started looking for jobs. In about a little over a week, my wife got a job, and it's a good job too, working for a good company, and a good person. So now that she has a job, it was time to start a search for a place again. Craigslist, here we come. To make a long story less long, we've found a place and are in the process of moving in. It's a nice place in cooperative housing, low rent, and 2 bedroom. It's only 10 minutes away from where my wife works.

So where does this leave me? Well, somewhat lost. I think I am going through another phase on my faith journey. I've really been struggling with God since the beginning of December. Oh, am I still a Christian? Of course. Do I still know that God loves me? Yes. Do I still love God? Well, I'm trying my best. It's a good thing that it is because of God's grace, God's righteousness, God's compassion, God's forgiveness, and God's faith in me that Christianity works. I think God allows us to go through struggle and allows us to question Him and our faith in Him to develop us as Christians. And right now, I'm being strongly developed.

So anyway, about that project. Since I've been struggling here, and getting used to a change that I didn't think would happen so soon, I've felt like "less than a man." I haven't really had anything to do. I have no job, and after having a good one for almost two years, and being able to provide for my family, I feel different. Some would say that having no job would be great, you'd have all the time you want to do what you want. Well, not necessarily. Having no job in an unfamiliar area and situation gets old pretty quick. You have no structure, you have no schedule, you have no money to do the things you'd like to do, and you don't really have any place to go because you don't know the area and you aren't yet familiar with the things that you can do on the cheap. I've spent a few times at bookstores or coffee shops where there is free wi-fi and have spent time on the net, reading, and drinking coffee. Those have been good days. But you know what, $1.75 coffee everyday adds up quick. And again, those days can get old too unless you feel like you've been productive. And that's what I'm getting at; it's not that I don't have a job that really bothers me, it's not the lack of income that bothers me, it's not the fact that we don't have our own place yet that bothers me, it's not even the fact that I'm unfamiliar with the area that bothers me, I think what it all boils down too, and why I am struggling so much, is that I quite simply don't feel productive. I think there's something in a man that compels us to be productive. God created humans with the capacity to do work, with the ability to do work, with the creativity and the ability to do good work, and to be productive. I think it is against the nature of man; against the nature of God to not work and not be productive. I'm not talking about working to further the cause of a Capitalistic Machine or Society, or to produce something only to sell it and make more and bigger things, but the kind of work that brings satisfaction to your inner being. This could be fixing up a house, planting and maintaining a garden, keeping up to date on a website, making a difference in someone's life by volunteering; none of this takes much money or produces much money, but it is productive.

So, browsing the web with all this time that I have, I've decided a couple of things: 1.) I'm probably going to volunteer somewhere to occupy my time. If I can't work for pay, I should at least work for my own well-being and at the same time possibly make a difference in someone else's life. 2.) I'm going to start a project that will make me feel productive, is something I'm very interested in, and will be worthwhile for a long time to come....

I'm going to build a home arcade cabinet! This project may take 6 months or it may take 6 years, it just depends on a few things. First, these projects take lots and lots of planning, you don't want to mess things up; you want to do it right the first time. It's much more than a TV in a box. From what I've read, you should put in a solid 2-3 months of planning. Second, these projects take money. Depending on how fancy you get, it could take anywhere from $1,000-$2000 dollars to build. So, if I save right, I could complete the project in a fairly timely manner, but no job and no money makes things kind of hard. Yes, my wife is working, but there are other things that come first in the budget than an arcade cabinet (unfortunate, I know). Third, these projects take time. Now granted, not working, I have more time on my hands, and yes, this project would definitely be worthwhile and be productive, but if I want to volunteer someplace, spend time putting together resumes and job hunting, spending quality time with my wife, and doing any number of other things, suddenly, there isn't as much time to work on a project like this. Fourth, I may start Seminary in the fall and begin work on my Master's degree.

I'm very serious about this project though. Almost as serious as someday getting a Ph.D. I know that I'll do this and someday I'll get it done. Right now, I'm in those planning stages. I'm starting to envision what I want, how it's all going to go together, and am beginning to sketch things out and take measurements. Really, I think I could get the shell of the cabinet done within a few months. The woodwork isn't what costs the most money, it's all the electronic components. I want to make this thing as authentic as I can, and have it run games as well as I can, and so I'm probably going to put a decent amount of money into the electronic components, but when it's done, I'll enjoy years of classic gaming.

Married

2008-05-20T23:38:00.004-05:00

I know that next to no one reads this blog...hopefully my fiancee is reading it, or at the very least, will read it at some point in the future. I'm getting married this Saturday, May 24, 2008. I'm pretty excited about it. This is the best thing that has ever happened in my life so far. Marriage is going to be awesome!

Macintosh computers

2008-02-01T00:49:00.000-06:00

I have to say...wow, I haven't updated this thing in a long time. It's not that I forget, but rather, it's just that I don't always feel that I have the time to update. And actually, not a lot of people ready my blog anyway. I suppose I could do more to advertise it, but, I guess I'm just not concerned with the "traffic" that may come through. Anyway, on to my topic.

I really love Macintosh computers. I'm typing this on a Macbook Pro. I've had it since September '07. My computer is fairly "top-of-the-line." It has a 2.4 Ghz Intel Core 2 duo, 2 GB RAM, a 160 GB 7200 RPM HDD, and an Nvidia 8600 M GT 256 MB video card. I have Windows XP sp2 installed via bootcamp so I can play all my favorite computer games, and I also have iWork 08 installed on the Mac side. This system is so much easier to use than windows, yet, since it can run both, I get the best of both worlds. I often take my Macbook pro to coffee shops or meetings, and it really is a great laptop. And I admit, after having an Apple computer, and OS X, I don't think I can ever go back to Windows. Macs are just better in every category. I haven't quite made the leap to Leopard yet as there are still some bugs, but I absolutely love my Mac, and I would recommend Apple products to anyone. Heck, you already have an iPod, why not take another step and do your home/mobile computing with an Apple product as well? I love mine.

Ok. I'm done now. And I've updated my blog. Awesome!

Frustration...again.

2007-12-14T03:28:00.004-06:00

I guess although this blogging thing is public, this post is mostly for me. I feel like just typing it out instead of writing in a journal or doing anything else. I guess I figure if I'm sitting at my computer, I may as well do something to ease a little frustration. Writing seems o.k. And since I know that not more than a few people read this anyway, I'm not too concerned about too many people seeing or even caring about what I write.

In ministry, you take the good with the bad. And often, it seem that there's more bad than good, and to me, that's probably not the way ministry is supposed to be. But then again, there's lots of things in the world that aren't supposed to be. There are issues of thirst, of hunger, of poverty, of disease, of people not knowing the gospel. There are people in the world. And I guess if you'd want to eliminate problems, really, all it takes is to eliminate people. But that wouldn't be so good now would it?

I've been in my youth ministry position for about 8 and a half months now. It seems people are complaining that I'm not "visible" enough, whatever that is. And it just gets frustrating. Do I understand that ministry is not a typical 9-5 job? Yes. Do I understand that if wasn't for the generosity of people, I wouldn't get paid? Yes. Do I understand that there are times where I should be somewhere even when I don't want to be? Yes. I understand these things. I understand that ministry isn't easy, and it's not like any other "job." However, I also think that until a person who is not in ministry, gets into ministry, they'll never fully understand it. I think that I'm fairly visible. I attend all church services and try to make sure to shake most people's hands and say hi, I lead a Sunday School class, I prepare and lead youth group on Sunday nights, I'm in charge of an outreach event on Monday night which I also participate in, I've been at our food bank on Sunday afternoons, I go to the high school for lunch twice a week and the junior high for lunch twice a week, I attend sports events, I network with other youth pastors in the community, I attend district functions and meetings, I'm in my office the majority of the week except on my day off, my prep day, and Saturday (and even then, sometimes I'm in my office). Now don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to brag about how overworked I am, as I don't feel I am. However, if I don't guard myself, I could easily fall into being overworked. I just don't know what it takes for people to think that I'm "visible" enough. I mean, I see the jr high and sr high kids 4 days a week (lunch x 2 and service x 3). My main time to see people and be "visible" is when they come to service and/or special events. I try my hardest to make things appealing and attractive and most importantly, biblically based, but if people choose not to come, I can't force them to be there.

Could I be doing more to build relationships? Yes. I could probably visit homes and teens more often. And yes, I realize I'd have to do this after 5:00; after my office hours. That's fine. I don't mind doing things that involve being with people and talking to them; that's where ministry happens. It's all the other things people demand of you that take away from your time to build those relationships. I could probably be at the church helping to clean, or do yard work, or do something as there is always something to do. I could be doing that stuff. But, do you still want a website, do you still want activities planned, do you still want me to get my office organized so that I can feel more comfortable in it and focus more on the youth ministry, do you want the youth center cleaned and organized so our kids will have a better time there, do you want me to lead and train adult volunteers, do you want me to be in a small group, do you want me to host people at my home, do you want me to... I could keep going on, but I'll stop.

The fact of the matter is, is I'm not going to let people think me lazy or accuse me of not being visible enough. Just because I may not be at "their" function, or "their" ministry, doesn't mean that I don't care, and it certainly doesn't mean that I'm being lazy and not doing anything. Isn't time to take youth ministry seriously? Isn't time to realize that we are pastors too? Isn't time to realize that we do more than just eat junk food, surf the web, and play video games all day. In fact, I'm doing so many other things, that I barely have time to play games or surf the web, and if I eat junk food, I won't have any energy to do anything else. No, I'm not the senior pastor, but I am a pastor, and it would be nice to be treated as such. Not a boy, not a kid, not a hired hand, but a pastor. A pastor to teens. I'm done.

Edit: I finally decided to publish this post from over two years ago. 12/30/2009

The dog knows God...praise Jesus!!!

2007-12-08T02:12:00.000-06:00

If anyone cares to, check out this article:

Born again dog

Heck, I think the dog just likes belly rubs from a bunch of people.

To end world hunger

2007-11-13T16:41:00.000-06:00

So, I was thinking again today, but actually, I'm thinking about something all the time, and I'm realizing, again, just how wasteful we are here in the United States. But don't get me wrong, it's not just the United States. There are plenty of other developed countries and peoples of the world that are wasteful as well. But it got me thinking.

I've never participated in a 30-hour famine before. In fact, before I became a youth pastor, I didn't even know what it was. But I quickly found out, and after attending the Nazarene Youth Conference this past summer, I signed my youth group up to participate in the 30-hour famine in February. It's sponsored by Nazarene Compassionate Ministries and World Vision. It's a good thing. I received my group's materials in the mail a little while ago, and since then, I've been giving messages/devotionals about poverty and hunger issues around the world, but not just around the world; in our own community as well.

A sad thing about world hunger is that there's enough food in the world to feed everyone. The problem is that it's not balanced and distributed equally. Humans waste a lot of stuff. And it's not that we can't or shouldn't have nice things, and that we should always be feeling guilty if we have a slice of cheesecake or something like that, it's just that, we should be aware, that yes, there are ways that we can help - namely, by not being wasteful with our own food and other resources, and by giving out of our excesses. The fact is, world hunger can end, and the question is...what are you going to do?

I know I can't do everything by myself, but what I can do, is help to influence and educated teenagers in the hopes that they'll help change the world, and I know that I can start by participating in a 30-hour famine. If everyone, especially the richest people in the world, would just work together step-by-step-by-step, great strides could be made.

I'm going to eat well today. And I thank Jesus all the time for what He graciously provides for me. I'm not going to feel guilty about eating well today. I just hope that I can use the talents, and gifts, and resources that God has given me to help others as well as I continue on my faith journey. And part of that includes educating and teaching teenagers, being an example to those around me, and giving from my food cupboard or paycheck so hopefully someone else can eat well too.

Sabbath Rest

2007-11-09T00:46:00.000-06:00

I think I'm still trying to figure out what Sabbath really is, and what Sabbath rest is all about. I just read a good article on ministers being able to take Sabbath rest and should take Sabbath rest. If you don't, you'll suffer from ministry exhaustion, and/or ministry burnout.

So, I decided to try it today. I've been trying to work hard on the days that I'm supposed to work - doing the administrative stuff that I need to do, buying stuff that needs bought, preparing messages that need to be prepared, visiting with teens that need visited, and planning for things that need planned.

And you know what I did today, on my day off; I relaxed. Finally. My mind and heart were clear, and I finally realized, that I don't need to be thinking about the ministry today. It, along with all the good things, and all the not so good things, will be there tomorrow. I am reminded that it is Jesus - not me, or any other pastor, that holds all things together. I don't have to worry so much about things getting or not getting done.

Today I did a couple loads of laundry, skyped with my girlfriend, had a couple cups of coffee and read a little bit, played a little bit of video games, and turned my phone off. Funny, I turned my phone back on a little later into the evening, and wouldn't you know it, not even 5 minutes later, the phone rings. And I also had a couple voice mails that would be work related. So what did I do? I turned my phone right back off again and let my mind relax by just enjoying my day off some more.

So yeah, I still don't really know how to take a Sabbath or use a Sabbath, but I do know that rest is part of it. And I feel that I got that today. Yes, I'll try to work hard 5 or 6 days a week, and do what I need to do, and probably even do more than I need to do, but on my day off, I really need it and want it to be a DAY OFF. Turn off my phone, enjoy God, and enjoy life.

So, what do you do?

2007-11-03T02:19:00.000-05:00

Hmm...I suppose it's about time I update this thing. I'm not very good at it. Anyway, I've been a youth pastor now for 7 months. During this time, I've been told that as a youth pastor, as with any ministry position, and especially a single youth pastor (I have an amazing and wonderful girlfriend, but unless you're married, people will still say you're single), people will wonder what you're doing with your time. I've also been asked by people and some of the teens, "So what exactly do you do?" Well, there is a lot of work that is involved to make happen even what seems small.

Anyway, I can't really give a definite schedule and timetable of what it is I do exactly. Some days are longer than others, some days I'm doing different things, some days I'm at the office, some days I'm going shopping for things, some days I'm meeting with adults/parents/other youth pastors/etc., some days I'm with the teenagers, some days I'm out of town, some days I'm just visiting places to check them out to see if I should take the teens there, some days I'm on the phone what seems to be all day, some days I'm in the office planning things, some days I'm....

Do you see my point? There are rarely any days that are similar to the next. There is always something that needs to be done, or some phone call to make, or someone to see, etc. So while I have a general outline of what I do with my day, it is never set in stone and can change on a moment's notice. But, for those who may be interested, here is kind of the "schedule" that I try to keep.

Mondays: 9:00-10:30 - Staff meeting.
10:50-12:20 - lunch at Jr. High
12:20-1:00 - home
1:00-4:00 - at office trying to organize, deal with other business, think of things for prep day, clean up the youth center, make phone calls/check e-mail/check myspace and facebook
4:00-5:00 - dinner
5:00-5:45 - set up for Powerzone outreach event.
6:00-8:00 - Powerzone
8:30 - home for the night

Tuesdays: 9:00-4:30 - prep day at home (includes lunch at High School, sunday night youth group prep, sunday morning sunday school, monday devo for Powerzone, any meeting agendas, planning day)
4:30-5:00 - at office to check mailbox, phone calls, etc.

Wednesday: 9:00-12:00 - at office organizing, planning, doing whatever.
12:00-12:45 - lunch at High School
1:00-4:30 - at office
4:30 - 6:30 - dinner/home/prepare for service
7:00-8:00 - Wednesday service

Thursday: OFF

Friday: 9:00-10:50 - either at home or at office. Usually finishing stuff from Tuesday.
10:50-12:20 - lunch at Jr. High
12:20-1:00 - home
1:00-5:00 - office time

Saturday: Varies widely. Usually I'll do something with a small group of teens or just hang out with a teen, go to a home, etc.

Sunday: 8:00-9:00 - prepare for the morning
9:00-10:00 - Sunday School at One world cafe.
10:00-10:30 - fellowship time at church; meet and greet with people
10:30-12:00 - Sunday service
12:00-5:00 - meeting time/lunch/nap/final prep before youth group
5:00-6:00 - at church for youth group. To be prepared for unexpected last minute stuff and to keep an eye on kids who may be there.
6:00-7:30 - Youth group time (jr. high and sr. high combined)
7:30-8:00 - wait for other Sunday night things to get done/hang out and goof off time.
8:00-9:00 - wrap up and make sure everyone has a ride home.

On top of this, I also have a monthly parent's meeting and monthly NYI (Nazarene Youth International) meeting. And of course, activities and events are involved in there. And, although every Christian ought to read their Bible and pray anyway, I also take the time to do that as well. And when I say "office" time, that time could be used for anything from physical labor, to organizing things, to clearing out stuff from the Youth Pastor previous to me (4 years worth of stuff), and any of the other things mentioned at the beginning of this post. "Office" time doesn't necessarily mean that I'm at the church, although I will always be at the church in my office for a little while each day (except Thursday of course and probably not Saturday either). Some days I can work 12-13 hour days, like I did this week for 3 days in a row. Ministry isn't easy. It's rewarding, but it's not easy. And I'm learning to value and guard my time, especially as a single youth pastor right now because if I don't, I won't have any time for myself to just kick back and relax.

It's hard to explain my schedule. As a youth pastor, it's not set. No day is EVER the same. And even when it looks like I'm not doing anything or I'm not busy, the truth of the matter is, I've probably already done it, or am getting ready to do it. I'm always doing something, and my brain is always running too. That's probably why I get an average of only about 6 hours of sleep a night.

So there you have it. Thanks for reading. And remember to make the most of every opportunity. If things are getting to be too much, drop some things, or find someone else to do them. If we don't have a good grasp on how to handle our time, we'll actually be doing Jesus a disservice. And even if we do nothing (which I don't recommend) Jesus still loves us completely and perfectly, and He is most pleased with us.

A word of advice for those wanting to be in ministry. It's not so much conflicts you're going to have to worry about, or money, or dealing with people. I think, at least from my first 7 months, it's time that's going to seem to be always against you. Guard it well. And please don't try to do everything yourself - you'll fail. If there aren't other people to do things, be content with it just not happening. REFUSE to do everything yourself.

I'm done now.

Our elders

2007-05-02T11:31:00.000-05:00

I love senior citizens. I really do. They have so much good, simple advice and so many good, simple comments. Hmmm....perhaps that is much of what the world is missing today.

Anyway, I just want to say that youth ministry is hard, at least when you've just moved across the country, and are in transition with everything that comes with a move (finding a permanent place to live, buying stuff you need, getting your license and plates changed, insurance stuff, phone stuff, meeting people and trying to learn names, unpacking and repacking, organizing your office, going through old things from a previous youth pastor and trying to determine what to keep and what not to keep, and oh yeah, still trying to organize and plan for a youth group). So, yesterday I was here for exactly 1 month and when I got back to the apartment where I am staying (the basement of an elderly couple's house, but, a completely separate apartment) I saw the old farmer and he asked me how my day went. And I said that it went well because it was the first day that I felt that I actually got something accomplished and some plans laid out. And he said, "Yeah, that's a good feeling isn't it."

And it was just the way he said it, with his laid back approach and simple smile; this 70+ year old farmer who still works from sun-up to sun-down in the wheat fields, with all his wisdom and godliness, it just made my day. And I thought..."yeah....it does feel good to get things accomplished." It feels good knowing that you're working as hard as you can and doing the best job you can, and although it may be slow and may not be perfect, things are progressing.

Things are tough for me so far, but I think they're going to be getting better. I'm still excited to be here, still am glad I came, and still feel that this is where God wants me to be. And I'm very thankful for the senior citizens that surround me; for the knowledge and wisdom that I can gain from them, and for my parents and my grandma who always taught me to respect my elders.

Yeah, I'd have to say life is good for me right now. Not without difficulties, not easy, but good.

Just some knowledge is all

2007-04-19T12:18:00.000-05:00

So, here I am in my brand spankin' new youth pastorate, and we our having our annual district assembly here at the church where I am the youth pastor. 70 churches are a part of this assembly and it has been quite a busy week. So I've been helping in the kitchen mornings and afternoons trying to help raise funds to send some of the teens to Nazarene Youth Conference. I didn't realize that being a youth pastor involved so much dish washing. Really, that's what I've been doing the entire week. But I also didn't realize that in the midst of washing dishes, the Holy Spirit would move on my heart, and encourage me through a 69 year old man who has been helping me, and giving me some good talks and advice on ministry as well. I think I've unknowingly found a mentor and accountability partner. Yes! And this man is incredible - army for 22 years, teacher at Washington State University for 15 years, a hunter, and very active in the church. I talked to him for about a half hour or so today, and learned some life-long principles. His name is Bill Tozer (not sure I spelled it right) and I know that he'll be my friend here in this new ministry. God is good - good indeed.

So here are some things that I think I can use for the teens:

"To be a real Christian, you have to be real."

"To be an honest Christian, you have to be honest with yourself."

"Hold up a mirror and take a good, long, hard look into it. Just stare for a while. Is what you see on the outside really a reflection of your inside? So often we hide our inside feelings and thoughts, and we are a totally different person on the outside. Reflect for a while, and let God work."

"Even buildings and structures have integrity. Integrity is having a wholeness and a completeness and being what you are. To have integrity is to have the same quality of character no matter where you are or what you are doing. And we don't lose our integrity, and no one takes it away from us, if we don't have integrity, it is usually because we sold it for a cheap price to gain an advantage in some way, and once we sell it, it takes a long, long time to get it back."

"The best sermons and messages are the ones that usually come from the heart and what your own spirit is witnessing to. Just speak from your heart."

"My advice is always free, and so if the shoe fits; wear it, and if not; have a nice day."

"I love you brother."

"Don't always do what the kids want, but do what they need. They want to do a whole bunch of things, but they need Jesus."

And so there we were, washing dishes in the kitchen, talking about things, and we gave each other a hug, and there seemed to be a bit of water in both of our eyes. I don't think it was from washing dishes though.

Labeled by what we do

2007-02-27T00:50:00.001-06:00

So I found this link on the theology of Adam Ant; 80's singer. It talks about being labeled as a goody two shoes because we're so afraid of being labeled as anything else; i.e. real. We just need to be ourselves. I don't want to be labeled as anything; I would rather be identified as a follower of Christ.

And to give credit where credit is due, I found this article from Andrew Jones' blog; the tallskinnykiwi.

Unloving or just uninterested?

2007-02-14T18:39:00.001-06:00

So something happened to me today that got me thinking (imagine that?)...

While I won't go into the details, I just wanted to write a short little note on the gist of what I was thinking.

I think when we see the church, or people in general, seemingly not caring about social injustices in our society and in the world, and even in our own homes; when we see people coming across as being mean to other people and not accepting their viewpoints on moral or ethical or theological issues; when we see people in what seems to be their own little world...I'm not so sure that they are unloving people in and of themselves, rather, I believe they are simply uninterested. I believe that the ancients had their own share of troubles and distractions, yet, I also am convinced, especially in the industrialized world and in our society in particular, that we have more distractions now than at any other time in the course of human history. We have supreme technological advancements and our churches are run like businesses. Yet, I believe that humanity is good and has great capacity and potential to do good. It is funny that although we are so technologically advanced, it seems that we are more interested in ourselves than anything else. It is not that people don't care about certain moral issues or ethical issues or theological issues. It is not that people don't care about the ills of society and the plight of humanity...it's just that...they are uninterested because really, it doesn't affect them in a direct and personal way. There are just so many distractions that keep us from really doing anything about anything. We are able to know about everything going on in the world, and in this age, could even travel to any place in the world at a moment's notice. There really is nothing that is out of our reach, however, we are content with our own lives, and our immediate surroundings and circles of friends/influence, and we become uninterested in actually doing anything. It's not that we aren't concerned, it's just that we have our own lives and distractions to deal with. And I, going into ministry, have to guard against this even while in the midst of doing ministry. Ministers can very easily let "ministry" become their distraction, and totally miss what is going on around them and what is to be done about it. So I don't think that people aren't good, or that they don't have the capacity to be nice, or that they are unconcerned or unloving...it's just that within our society, individualism has become the new religion, and with all the distractions around us (for example: TV, internet, cell phones, newspapers, ministry, etc. - all meant to connect us, yet actually draws us further apart), we have become uninterested. Humanity does have the capacity to care, to do good, to love; but we need the genuine interest in what we are doing. For me, my ministry is worthless if I am not genuinely interested in the people I am ministering to. A business is worthless if it is not genuinely interested in benefiting humanity.

The love of the Bible, the love of Jesus is the love that takes a genuine interest in people and their surroundings. The love of the Bible is never selfish, and it is never individualized. It is always serving, and is always in community. If we are to ever get to the heart of Biblical love, we need to take genuine interest in those around us; we need to take a genuine interest in the world as a whole, and not just our immediate surroundings and what will serve us best. So often we think that if we are just in a bit more comfortable situation, or we were just with a little bit different crowd, or we just had a few better tools, or methods, or equipment, or whatever, we could do so much good...and we could...however, all those things will be worthless if we don't have a genuine interest first. We need to be interested in what we're doing, even if we're not fully prepared by ourselves to do it. Jesus was so effective at loving because he had a genuine interest in the people he ministered to.

People are not unloving, they are uninterested.

Always

2007-02-09T14:41:00.001-06:00

These thoughts first started occurring to me on 21 January, and I have been slowly adding to my list. This list isn't complete or finished, and I can always add to it, or take away from it later. This is a list of things that I hope can, and will, shape my life and my interaction with the world. I believe that this list can make my life better, and the lives of those around me better. These thoughts are adapted from books I've been reading, sermons I've been hearing, and interaction with the world. These may seem idealistic...and I don't care...because I'm an idealistic person. I like to dream big, and I like to be a visionary. I enjoy the mystical side of life. I don't think anything on this list is out of the ordinary, and I think these are quite achievable in my everyday life if I only make the conscious choice to adhere to them. Here is my list of "always" in no particular order other than the order that they popped in my head and I wrote them down.

I will always be an encourager, and never a discourager.
I will always lead from the front, and never from the rear.
I will always choose happiness over unhappiness.
I will always accept responsibility for my choices and never blame anyone else.
I will always be a friend, even to those who are unfriendly.
I will always love, and never hate.
I will always seek wisdom, and avoid unsound advice.
I will always envision the future, and not dwell on the past.
I will always be quick to listen, and slow to speak.
I will always tame my tongue lest I hurt others.
I will always demonstrate my faith with action, else my faith is dead.
I will always choose forgiveness, and never revenge.
I will always always make a decision now, and not put it off until later.
I will always take initiative in contact, and not wait for someone to contact me.
I will always give people a chance to develop themselves and earn their experience.
I will always promote community, and not individuality.
I will always promote inclusiveness, and not exclusiveness.
I will always seek to first understand, and not to be first understood.
I will always show grace, for grace has been shown to me.

Shoveling the crap

2007-02-03T14:08:00.001-06:00

My family has one horse and boards another. While I usually don't have to clean the stalls, every once in a while the task falls to me. But I don't find it gross, and I don't find myself loathing the work that must be done. Especially now that we are in the winter months, going into the barn to clean the stalls often provides a place of quiet and retreat from the busy house. The horses are easy to clean up after and their crap doesn't stink. As I was cleaning yesterday, I found myself talking to Jesus. And I thought, "Man, isn't this what He does for me, and for all of us? Jesus doesn't complain about any of our shit. He just cleans it up and carries it off, making us clean." And don't try to pretend that you don't have any in your life because we all do. But Jesus comes to us, shovels it up, and carries it away. No questions asked and no complaining.

I find that cleaning the stalls is kind of therapeutic. It allows me to escape to be with myself and my thoughts, and in that quiet environment, I find that I often have my best prayer times while shoveling because I know and realize that that is what God does for me everyday and there is a freedom in knowing that. And so it frees me up to just be myself with God and talk to him as I would anyone else.

Often times, when I tell people I have to clean the horse stalls, they usually respond with a "uggh. that sucks." But what I find even more gross and more odd than cleaning horse stalls, are those same people who will carry around little plastic baggies and clean up after their dog, carrying that crap with them until they can find a trash can nearby. Cleaning horse stalls isn't that bad.

An essay on abortion

2007-01-24T20:16:00.001-06:00

This essay is from my Senior Colloquium class at Mount Vernon Nazarene University and was originally written on 25 October 2006. The assignment was to take a stance on the issue of abortion. I, however, took a slightly different approach and wrote about pro-choice because so often pro-choice revolves around the issue of abortion, although it need not do so. Pro-choice to me, means that I affirm a person's free will and ability to make decisions. It is the ability to make a choice, for right or for wrong. Pro-choice in terms of abortion however is what this essay is about. I hope that you can take the time to read it, and comments are welcome because I kind of like debate and such (as long as it is somewhat intelligent and not just attacks because that's just silly and stupid and nothing gets accomplished that way).

Pro-Choice Does Not Mean Pro-Abortion

Is being pro-choice mean that one is against the will of God? Does it mean that a Christian who claims to be pro-choice can not be a Christian? I would say that the answer to both of these questions is a resounding, no! When many people hear “pro-choice” images of picketing liberals come to mind, the horrible images of abortion, the laws concerning abortion, and the feminist movement. While I do not believe that pro-choice need to revolve around abortion all the time, abortion is definitely the most hotly debated topic when it comes to talking about pro-choice. While the thought of abortion abhors me, I am borderline pro-choice for several reasons. The first being that life is more than what many people who are not pro-choice define it to be, and the second, third, and fourth reasons being rooted in a Christian concept of God and his attributes of love, free-will, and grace.

I am not exactly sure where “life” for a human being begins. Is it at conception? Is it somewhere between conception and birth? Is it sometime after birth? I am just not sure, and it probably has something to do with my definition of “life.” Oh sure, I could be technically and scientifically sound if I say that life begins at conception. After all, isn’t this true? Cells are formed and there is living tissue, an embryo forms and the process of becoming human is taking place. As a Christian however, I am not so sure that I can simply define life on terms of technicalities and scientific evidence. If life is only living cells, then humans are not very different from the chimpanzees that we have so much in common with genetically, and the trees that they climb. “Life” must be more than simply what science determines it to be. To look at almost any dictionary, one will find that even the basic definitions of the word life make the actual existence of life very complex. However, in the terms that I am thinking about life for this essay, I would like to cling to a couple of definitions that seem to fit best with my reasoning. The first definition, coming from dictionary.com puts it this way: the course of existence or sum of experiences and actions that constitute a person's existence. The second definition, also found on dictionary.com but coming from the American Heritage Dictionary says, “The physical, mental, and spiritual experiences that constitute existence.”

With these definitions in place, I now would like to appeal to the Bible. One problem that I see within Christianity when it comes to the debate on abortion is that many folks tend to use the term “right to life.” But I have to ask, does the Bible say that we have a “right to life?” The answer to that question, without getting into another whirlwind of debate, is quite simply, no. Basing my answer on the New International Version of the Bible, and consulting the NIV Exhaustive Concordance, and Logos Bible Software, nowhere in the Bible does it even hint at we as humans having a “right to life.” And when the word for ‘right’ is used in the Hebrew, for the Old Testament, and the Greek, for the New Testament, meaning that we have the authority and ruling power to possess something, it is never used in the context of life. I would also like to return to my original dilemma of where life begins to say that the Bible does not try to address that either. Yes, I acknowledge the fact that there are verses, especially in the Psalms, which allude to it, but those verses are not meant to be a scientific study, rather, they are speaking on the knowledge and sovereignty of God as being fully aware and intimately in love with His creation, including human beings. God so loves, that He has created us that we may experience Him. It is one of His, and perhaps His ultimate, gift to us. We do not have a “right to life” because life is a gift from God. Just as on Christmas or a birthday, we do not have the right to receive gifts, so it is also true that we do not have the right to receive the gift of life from God. Life ultimately belongs to Him.

Appealing to the earlier definition of life that includes not only the physical aspects, but also the mental and spiritual experiences of living life, humans, whether Christian or not, acknowledge that we have free-will. I, a Christian, acknowledge this as inherent in the gift of life; the gift of humanity, that comes from God. Part of experiencing God and experiencing the gift of life is making rational, free decisions. Some of those decisions may be downright wrong, sinful, and immoral, yet our loving God has taken that as the biggest risk in creating us and giving us the gift of life. We are free, rational creatures who have control over ourselves, and this distinguishes us in large part from other species in the animal kingdom, and attests to our being made in the Image of God.

Still focusing on God and life, I now appeal as a Christian to the belief that God’s grace is an ever-present reality. His grace is before conception, His grace is throughout the human development cycle, and His grace is there after birth as well. While not attempting to write a theological tome on God’s grace, it will suffice to say that I believe that God’s grace is far more than we can possibly imagine, and works in ways that we can not fathom or see. This is even true in cases of abortion with mothers having to make tough decisions, and of their unborn children who bear the consequences of those decisions. As I said earlier, I abhor abortion. I believe that every unborn child should have the experience of life. However, I also know that there are many, many social and cultural influences that are present in a mother’s life that may tip the scales of balance in favor of having an abortion. I also realize that there are very legitimate medical conditions and reasons that arise that may also have an impact on whether or not to have an abortion. The rarity of such events is not the issue here, the fact of the matter is that there are such events is the issue. In looking at issues such as medical situations and cultural and social influences, while abortion is unfortunate, I will not say that it is always morally and ethically wrong. But, even if it is always morally and ethically wrong, does that prevent God’s grace from working? I don’t think so. I believe in the covering of sins by the shed blood of Jesus Christ on the cross. I believe that if a mother chooses to have an abortion, for right or for wrong, and for whatever reasons (again, that is not the issue here), God’s grace does not stop! That unborn child will go to heaven. Does this make abortion okay then? No. Should there be sex without consequences because God’s grace will just cover up everything? Of course not. But when it comes to the unborn child and its “right to life,” we can rest assured that no matter the decision of the mother, God’s grace is still very much an active part of the whole process and he’s watching over the unborn child just as much as he watches over anyone else. We can not always place faith in people to make the right decisions, but we can always place our faith in the God that works for good, whose grace is sufficient, and who is trustworthy.

So, how do definitions of life, biblical arguments concerning the “right to life,” free-will, and God’s grace have to do with abortion and pro-choice on which this essay is based? Well, I’ll now attempt to put this puzzle together.

Let’s face it; abortion is a hugely complicated issue for Christianity. There are way too many issues and intricacies to deal with that makes an exhaustive, correct answer nigh impossible to come up with. As a matter of fact, this short essay is not nearly enough to defend a pro-choice position, and probably even raises more questions than gives answers. Abortion is an issue that must be thought over by Christians, in length, based upon Christian, biblical principles. To be honest, I am not sure that I have done an adequate job of that. While I have not attempted purposefully to sidestep the issue of abortion in talking about pro-choice, I may have come across that way. However, I believe that if we want to come up with a solid, biblical, theological, Christian answer to the issue of abortion, we must inevitably come back to who God is and what is his character. It is beyond pop-culture phenomenon of such things as W.W.J.D. (what would Jesus do), and beyond statistics, and beyond what we think or what we feel, or what political figures and religious figures will tell us, or what Roe v. Wade says. Ethical issues such as abortion must be deeply rooted in the character of God and his revealed truth to us through His word, and the Word become flesh, Jesus Christ. Really, does it not go back to Scripture being our foundation, but also having experience, reason, and tradition (in terms of the church and its teachings) building upon it? I think it does. In the case of abortion however, I would also like to add a fifth criteria; science. So, with scripture, reason, experience, tradition, and science in dealing with the issue of abortion, I am pro-choice. I feel that in defining life, for the most part, Christians who oppose abortion or a pro-choice movement are sometimes and oftentimes far too narrow in their definition, that we do not have a “right to life” in that it is a gift from God, that God gave us free-will to choose right or wrong and make rational decisions, and that God’s grace is active, even in what seems like the darkest of situations.

Two definitions for the term ‘sanctity’ are 1.) Holiness, saintliness, godliness 2.) Sacred or hallowed character. I am pro-choice not because I affirm the women’s rights movement, not because I think we should just be able to choose however we want and whatever we want and not face the consequences, not even because I affirm the sanctity of life, but because… I affirm the sanctity of God, the giver of all life. In affirming God, I affirm life, but I also affirm that humans are created in the Image of God and therefore have free-will, and I also affirm God’s active grace. Pro-choice does not mean pro-abortion. It means that I actively participate in God’s plan of His kingdom by making good, moral, ethical, free choices. So while in almost every case, I would choose against abortion, I will in no way say that it is always wrong, and I affirm a woman’s God-given free will to choose to have an abortion. I affirm the sanctity of God; His character, in which free-will is inherent and therefore, I am pro-choice.

Works Cited

Goodrick, Edward W. and John R. Kohlenberger. Zondervan NIV Exhaustive Concordance Second Edition. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1999.

"life." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1). Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006. 24 Oct. 2006.

"life." The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, Fourth Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, 2004. 24 Oct. 2006.

"sanctity." Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.0.1). Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006. 24 Oct. 2006.

The Holy Bible: New International Version. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996, c1984.

Is universalism a valid concept?

2007-01-07T22:47:00.001-06:00

Many Christians may give the immediate answer of "No!" But perhaps we should slow down a little bit and consider such a concept. I know that I've always thought of universalism as a total rejection of the doctrines of Christianity, that it limits and makes essentially meaningless, Christ's death, that there would be no reason for Satan or demons or "hell," and there may even be no reason for talk of heaven either. In other words, talk of universalism just totally messes up the Christian faith. But does it? I think I may have had those previous thoughts because that is what I have been taught my whole life, and I would rather be a person who is intellectually able to evaluate teachings I receive in light of what Scripture says and teaches (interpreted within the original context and language while also bringing our own context and language into the picture), what my life and Christian experience says and therefore what I also feel, and what seems to be logically valid. Hmmm....well that doesn't sound too non-Christian or non-Nazarene to me. It certainly isn't non-Wesleyan; taking teachings from the church, combined with scripture, reason, and experience. I see the Wesleyan quadrilateral here. So can universalism then fit into a Wesleyan context? Perhaps it can, although I still need to do much more study on both Wesley and universalism to come to an educated answer; I'm just throwing out late-night thoughts now for myself and others to think on.

So here's the thing that got me thinking on all this. I was looking at some theological terms (yeah, I'm kind of weird like that; I like to read theology and look at theological definitions just for the fun of it. Seriously, I was just browsing through my little dictionary just for the fun of it, with no particular thing to look up), and I came across the term apokatastasis which is Greek and is roughly translated as "restoration" according to this pocket dictionary. Part of the definition says that in the New Testament, the word refers to a time that God in Christ (emphasis mine) will restore all things in creation to God's original intention. Of course, more study is needed on my part, as these are only initial, late-night thoughts, all of which have only occurred in about the last 40 minutes or so, but it has me thinking. Now, this word only appears in one verse in the New Testament, and I'm not sure about the Septuagint, and that is in Acts 3:21, but it is still a very powerful word. And so I'm wondering, if at the end of time (if indeed time ends, which I don't know if it truly ever does), or at least at the Lord's return, if apokatastasis truly takes place, then perhaps we have to , or maybe more accurately, we must, consider the possibility of universalism being a valid idea within the Christian faith. We must consider what God's original intention was for humanity. Did God intend for sin to enter the world, or was that completely up to us? Did God create angels and some of them decided to rebel and reject God and somehow they are all demons now and they have a leader named Satan? Was this part of God's original intention? In other words, does even evil have its origin in God as part of his original intention for the universe? I don't know. That is why the topic of universalism is such a tough topic to deal with because it is not cut and dry, black and white. But if our God is truly an all-good, all-merciful, all-graceful God whose essential character Love, love that we fully can't understand or comprehend, then we have to allow the possibility of universalism. If the Lord is going to come again, and restore all things to their original state, and restore heaven and earth, or create a new heaven and earth, then could not sinful humans who have been separated from God through death be ultimately restored to him (even Satan and demons as well, if in fact they are fallen angels)? Perhaps the 'original state' is back to nothingness, and we will all be annihilated. But then, we wouldn't exist, and that doesn't sound like much of an all-loving God concept to me; to be created out of love, and then destroyed.

But Jeremy, doesn't this just totally throw out the concept of the great commission and as you said earlier, totally mess up Christianity? Well, again, I'm not so sure, and I think we should slow down to think about such things. Does universalism really throw out the great commission and other principles of Christianity? Does it totally eliminate hell? Well, no. Hell is separation from God. It may be primarily a spiritual condition, however, let's not limit it as being a physical place as well, at least not for this train of thought. Jesus said that the law (the OT) could be summed up with two commands, love God, and love neighbor. Now if we truly love God and love our neighbor, why in the Hell, would we want anyone to not experience God firsthand through Jesus Christ and experience His love, and His grace, and His mercy? Why would we want anyone to suffer for any length of time because of separation from God either here on earth, or in some abstract physical place? People can live pretty well and in relative comfort and peace and be happy without Jesus, but with Christ, life can be filled with hope and joy and peace, even in the midst of horrible circumstances and beyond that, people can know that they have a relationship with God, the creator of the universe! And that is the goal and key concept of Christianity, to be in union with and know God. Jesus said that knowing God was eternal life. Christianity isn’t about going to a certain place called heaven when we’ve been good, or going to a certain place called hell when we’ve been bad, it is about knowing God, and not knowing him, and I tear up here just thinking about this and writing these thoughts, is simply an utter tragedy. So why would we not want to share that message with people? So in death, perhaps some who never knew Christ will go to this place called "Hell" and be separated from God, but remember, universalism says that it is at the end of time; at the Lord's coming; at the end of the age, etc. that everything will ultimately be restored, and in "Hell" people will have the full realization that they are separated from God, unlike their limited realization here on earth, and that is where the suffering and torment will come in. And as Christians, who supposedly love God and our neighbor, why would we want anyone to be separated from God for any length of time, whether in death, or on earth in life? And so I don't think the concept of universalism negates the great commission because if we are truly loving God and loving neighbor, then that love should compel us to share Jesus Christ with others because without Christ, people are literally "in hell" whether they realize it or not, and as Christians, we should see that as a tragedy. Universalism then, doesn't negate the great commission, or other principles of Christianity, because it is Christ's love in us that compels us to tell others about Him in order that they can experience Him now.

So is universalism a valid concept? I don't want to say 'yes' yet, but I'm not going to say 'no' yet either. What this means is not that I don't have a stand on the issue, it is that I want to do more research and get more educated on the topic before I make a conclusive decision. I think that's okay isn't it? After all, faith that doesn't have you wrestle with issues isn't a very valid kind of faith. Take these initial thoughts for what you will.

My first post...not that anyone is going to read it or care, but someday they might.

2007-01-03T12:11:00.001-06:00

Here it is, my first post. I had an old blogger account, under my alias, crispux3, I think, but I have no idea what happened to it. Anyway, I found an interesting blog called emergentnazarenes that I am very much interested in because I kind of dig the emerging church movement. I'm just recently learning about it though, and don't really know a whole lot. That is why I usually keep my mouth shut and let my mind think about things before I speak or write so at least when I do, I can sound somewhat edumacated. ;). So, here it is, I hope that I can contribute some thought provoking essays here, whether or not anyone will read them, and hope to find a community of people that I can share my thoughts with and they can share their thoughts with me as well...even if it doesn't agree. I'm kind of cool with agreeing to disagree too. So there you have it.

-Jeremy